I have been sitting in my kitchen today doing various mundane tasks listening to my Pandora station and getting lost in the quiet it is bringing to my soul. Quiet is hard to find these days and rest has been elusive so today's quiet has been sought after and enjoyed.
Recently a "MercyMe" song came on - "God With Us". There are many lines in there about being released from our chains. Any time a song comes my way - either through worship time in church or via radio/ipod/pandora - that talks about how God is our deliverer in our dark times I hurt deeply. I can only picture my sweet Caleb, hurting so badly he could find no other answer to his pain than death, and cry through the whole song just wishing with all my heart that he could have seen what his God truly had to offer and that his God IS the God who was there waiting to offer release and healing from that pain. And I thank God that He has released Caleb from that pain by taking him home but wish Caleb could have found it here so I could still have him with me.
Today, I heard that song, and for the first time in my life stood with my hands as high as I could get them and said "thank you" to my gracious God for offering that to me. I can have that now. I have been seeking this release for many years and think I am starting to understand that it truly is available now, to me, not just others. I don't need to wait for some event (although I probably did, now I think about it) where God miraculously heals my hurt in one fell swoop but I can have release from those chains by choosing to trust the truth of His power. If God offered that to Caleb and it could've changed his decision then God is offering it to me and it can change my today. I truly don't know what has stopped me before.
Thank you, my God, for being so patient with me, but more so, for being the Great Healer, for having the power and desire to break any and all chains, and for being able to carry the weight of my pain, especially when I am too weary to do so.
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