one wish

"If you had one wish, what would it be?"

I actually get asked that question surprisingly often.  In my circles of death, the answer is usually "one more day with ..."

Probably surprisingly, that is not my answer.  It never has been.  I know that one more day would never be enough.  I know that the pain of saying good-bye again might be too much.  I know that after that "one more day" I would only want more and so what I really want is a lifetime, not a day.

So what would my wish be?

I have been thinking a lot about that lately.  My response has been:

"To know for sure that Caleb was convinced of how much I valued him, how much I loved him, how much I liked him, how proud I was of him, how much hope I had for his future."

The truth is, my wish has come true.  Caleb now knows his true value.  He has heard it - in person - from the only One who has the ability to give value.  The value God can give Caleb is so much greater than any value I can give Caleb.  And he is now fully convinced of his immeasurable value to his Creator, the Sovereign Ruler of the world, his Savior.  What more could I possibly want for Caleb?

The reality is, truth has not yet given my heart the rest and comfort it so desperately desires.  I know for sure that Caleb is convinced of his value.  But, obviously, my wish coming true isn't that helpful so maybe it is not truly what my "one wish" would be.

Troy talks to God about Caleb and asks God to communicate things to him.  I'm not sure what I think of that but since I am not convinced that's how the system works, it would give me no peace or comfort to talk to Caleb through God so I don't.  At the moment, I don't believe the dead hear us - why would they listen when they have angels and God Himself to listen to?  Isn't that why we long for heaven so much - to be rid of all this earth has to offer?  But that leaves me with no options for communicating this "one wish" to Caleb.

So, now, I guess I need to begin the process of gaining comfort from the truth.  My "one wish" has come true.  Caleb may not have known those things on earth but he does now.  I guess my one wish is not that he knows those now but actually that he knew those - somewhere in his heart - before he died.  That I will never know.

Either way, he does know that now.  Of that I am convinced.

And one day, truth will win over wishes in my heart.